Well, it's all over. For those you you not in the know, I'm back on these fair shores, where nothing works properly, everbody complains and generally take life far too seriously. Must be the temperature.

At any rate, nothing says "welcome home" quite like being told that your dog is dead ten minutes after completing a twenty hour period of transit. Tiggy was diabtic with a heart murmur, but conveyed no real impression that she was on death's door. Then again, to live is to suffer, and while afflicted with these things, Tiggy had a very good run of things, and I'd like to think she was happy. Hope she's doing well in whatever life she's at now.

Fired from the better life down under, I'm now determined not to let things get to me as they so often normally do. Indeed, "no worries" is a mantra everone should start living their lives by. It really does seem to make people happier. I'm not saying we should all just pretend that bad things don't happen to us and others, but rather we shoud embrace these things with as much entusiasm as we would to somethibng better that happens.

Right, I'm off to play Doom 3 now. It's Terrifying.


whimper.

I'm in the gorgeous Changi Airport, Singapore.

THis city is brilliant. The technology is so cheap (al long as you're preparted to haggle). I got 512mb of RAM for 35 quid. Brilliant. And everything else you could possibly want, not just electronics, is available at negotiable prices.

It's also the country's 39th birthday today, so as well as some big celebrations, the prices come down further still...

Had high tea at Raffles. A very curious experience to have squeaky-clean Englishness on the equator. Plus, I learned that the Singapore Sling is a luridly pink, premixed monstrosity. Ah well.

Anyway, it's nearly time to leave for good. I'm inconsolably heartbroken, to be honest, and will endevour to return ASAP.

Anyway, there's duty free to persue now, and the flight isn't far off.

You'll see me soon...

Just a little footnote: Australia has some lovely, if unusual, food.

Crocodile is nice(ish), but is very very very tough. And has no flavour.

Barramundi is a beautiful alternative to the usual fare back home. And Fish 'n' Chips is a somewhat gourmet affair in Oz.

Nicest of all however, is Kangaroo. It tastes somewhere between lamb and beef, but it has to be eaten medium rare, otherwise it's as tough as a Cassowarie's nadsack.

I look forward to some more tropical food later on, including the infamous Durian fruit (smells like an open sewer, tastes like toffee). Untill then, Bon Appetite!

7:37 Local Time

I've found, in a discreet little corner of the hotel, a free internet access site, and I'm finally able to see my e-mail. There's nothing important in my inbox.

Anyway, the reef. I spent three days aboard the Anaconda III, a "mega yacht" which cruises around the Whitsunday Islands, near Mackay in Queensland. There was a large contingent of Scots on board, as well as some Irish, German, Canadian and Dutch travellers. Nerly all were Academic Career types, but we gelled quite quickly. Or captain, Max (as stereotypically a crusty old seadog as you could ever hope to meet) sailed, or rather smoked a lot and occaisonally turned a hilariously large wheel, to some islands and the Outer Reef.

I dived a total of five times off the ship, and let me tell you, nothing compares to this place. The diving is simply mind-blowing. All those aquarium fish youve seen, all those David Attenborugh programs you watched: It's like that, but you are actually experiencing it. Those parrotfish acutally swam past you. That stingray acutually just jetted off before your eyes. Yes, that is a turtle under that coral overhang, and he's giving you a look that says "Fuck off, I'm trying to sleep here, you bubble blowing, nitrogen intolerant, day-glo coloured retard." as you pat him on the head. There's just nothing else that compared to a dive here, truly and honestly.

I'm now on Hamilton island, which is like an upper-middle class version of the reef, for upper-middle class yuppies who don't want to deal with actually being in Australia and all the idosyncracies it has (such as being called a whinging pom, which all these upper-middle class yuppie morons are). Its a "safe", single-serving version of the area, and concequently, utterly boring and unforgivably dull. Still, it's as good a place as any to finish reading those novels you've meant to finish ages ago, and the Cockatoos that line up around you begging for tidbits provite no end of amusement. Untill they get bored with you and bugger off to beg at someone else.

Right, so that's me and my life until Friday, at which point I'll have and hour in Melborne and a long flight to Singapore. More later. Stay happy, all.

What a couple of days. I write this to you from a crappy hotel-tv version of an acess terminal, and it's infuriating me, so I'll keep this brief untill I can find an alternate method.

The great Barrier Reef is amazing. Words fail me to describe its beauty. Scores of colourful fish. Warm, pristine waters. Fields of coral. I nearly wept.

I did five dives out there in the course of three days, including a night dive (one of the most trippy things you can possibly do, IMO. It's actually possible to forget which way is up.).

I'm now on Hamilton Island in the Whitsundays untill friday. I plan to do a few Bush Hikes and maybe work on a tan or somthing like all the toned and rich people around here have. Maybe.

After that, Hello Singapore! More updates as soon as I find a good terminal.

Be Happy, all.